Chemo cocktail #6 hit me like a ton of bricks, and I pretty much had to go straight to bed when I got back from the hospital yesterday. I am told the later chemo sessions are the worst. The weird (but now familiar) side effects are back: extreme sensitivity to cold, cramping in legs, feet and hands, soreness in mouth and jaw, burning when I pee out the caustic cocktail (courtesy of prior pelvic radiation), and lack of appetite (only weird because I usually have a great Italian appetite)! Now I am up early from the dose of steroid they give me with the oxaliplatin. No way am I falling back asleep with this stuff coursing through my veins. I guess this is becoming my regular blogging hour.
My blood tests yesterday show dropping RBCs and low hematocrit, which I think is causing the tiredness. But my WBCs are staying high enough that I don't have to worry too much about germs, or needing an infusion. I saw my radiation oncologist this week and she said that I probably have "good bone marrow", meaning my blood is better able to respond to the onslaught of chemo. My hair continues to fall out, but I still have more than 50% of it. Glad I chopped it - the thinning would be much more noticeable had I left it long.
The last 2 weeks have been busy with work and fitting in as many summertime activities as I have energy for. Finally got my big EPA grant and budget pulled together and we plan to upload it next Monday. Huge sigh of relief once that is done! I do enjoy getting out and usually feel better afterwards. Living a life as close to my normal one makes me feel more optimistic and more like the "real" me. This seems important to my physical and mental health right now.
Thanks to friends who have accompanied me at the hospital and on walks, meals, and movies! Thanks to those of you still checking in during this long, drawn out ordeal! It seems like forever since I started chemo and radiation the end of 2016. But I am seeing a light at the end of this tunnel and am feeling pretty optimistic right now.
Love you all ❤️
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Enjoying the little things in life
Good morning! Another early AM blog thanks to steroids. Yesterday they hooked me up to infusion #5, and I talked my oncologist into reducing my dexamethasone (steroid) to 4 mg. I think the lower dose helped me sleep a wee bit more - but here I am, up for the early am "blogging hour"...
I feel that the the effects of this chemo are getting a bit more intense and lasting a bit longer each time. I have been petty tired at work, and am so thankful I have these three infusion days off.
That said, once the chemo leaves my system I feel much better and have been enjoying life as much as possible. We spent last weekend on AMC's Three Mile Island (Winnepesaukee) where Rory works. I am noticing that I am doing way less here than I did when we visited prior summers. Usually I kayak, hike, paddle-board, and swim a ton. This year it seems it is all I can do to undertake a few-mile kayak and some hiking around the island (mostly to the main lodge for meals). The chemo has steadily dropped my RBCs and hemoglobin and I am starting to feel fatigued more easily. I had to opt out of the 11 pm full-moon paddle that Rory offered us, I was 3/4 asleep! Steve went and said it was lovely. I am trying to not be hard on myself or disappointed about my reduced activity.
Perhaps this is a good life lesson - adjusting to my new normal and being as satisfied as possible with things as they are. I tried to focus on enjoying the smaller, simpler things that one can do on the island. For instance, I had a few totally lovely walks through the sun-dappled paths on the way to and fro our little cabin, I had a warm and delicious solar shower from lake water that had warmed in the sun on our deck all day, and a meditative cup of tea with Steve while looking out on the lake from the front porch of the main lodge, breeze blowing in from the White Mountains. I find it helpful to remind myself to not get caught up in my own expectations - to be receptive and thankful for the small moments of joy and beauty that are happening all around me - especially on a lovely summer day. Some of these lessons that cancer is teaching me will hopefully get generalized when my normal life returns. Life lessons indeed!
I feel that the the effects of this chemo are getting a bit more intense and lasting a bit longer each time. I have been petty tired at work, and am so thankful I have these three infusion days off.
That said, once the chemo leaves my system I feel much better and have been enjoying life as much as possible. We spent last weekend on AMC's Three Mile Island (Winnepesaukee) where Rory works. I am noticing that I am doing way less here than I did when we visited prior summers. Usually I kayak, hike, paddle-board, and swim a ton. This year it seems it is all I can do to undertake a few-mile kayak and some hiking around the island (mostly to the main lodge for meals). The chemo has steadily dropped my RBCs and hemoglobin and I am starting to feel fatigued more easily. I had to opt out of the 11 pm full-moon paddle that Rory offered us, I was 3/4 asleep! Steve went and said it was lovely. I am trying to not be hard on myself or disappointed about my reduced activity.
Perhaps this is a good life lesson - adjusting to my new normal and being as satisfied as possible with things as they are. I tried to focus on enjoying the smaller, simpler things that one can do on the island. For instance, I had a few totally lovely walks through the sun-dappled paths on the way to and fro our little cabin, I had a warm and delicious solar shower from lake water that had warmed in the sun on our deck all day, and a meditative cup of tea with Steve while looking out on the lake from the front porch of the main lodge, breeze blowing in from the White Mountains. I find it helpful to remind myself to not get caught up in my own expectations - to be receptive and thankful for the small moments of joy and beauty that are happening all around me - especially on a lovely summer day. Some of these lessons that cancer is teaching me will hopefully get generalized when my normal life returns. Life lessons indeed!
Thank you everyone for keeping up the support. I am so lucky to have you all at my side ❤️
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