Trying to get prepared for starting chemo infusions tomorrow! My recent ER incident, hospital stay, and a few other complications have given me PTSD and seem to have taken a toll on my confidence. I felt much more prepared and psyched for the APR surgery than I do now, so I guess I have some work to do mentally before heading to Lahey tomorrow morning. I DO understand that complications are common with all the interventions I've had, and I do hear my doctors say that my underlying good health means I will likely be able to tolerate all these treatments better than less healthy people, so I need to find a way to take these setbacks more in stride.
Yesterday I had my chemo port installed. I feel like someone punched me in the chest hard. I now have a lump on my chest and a tube going into a major artery to allow chemical infusions.
Starting 4 months of chemo feels like a lot to endure while I am still very much in recovery mode, but my oncologist says it is best not to delay infusion when errant nasty cancer cells could be floating around my body - looking for a place to take hold. Perhaps this period is the toughest part/lowest point of this whole ordeal? I hope it is not too much to ask - I am hoping that everything goes reasonably smoothly from here on, and any further complications are manageable.
Thanks for your ongoing support, everyone! xox!
Deep breath and one day at a time. You are strong and will get through this new phase! Thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you at the end of the week.
ReplyDeleteLove, Amy and Matt
Big hug heading your way! Of course you're feeling like you've been beat up - you have been! Physically, psychically and emotionally - you've been through a real, literally gut-wrenching ordeal. No matter how strong and valiant you are - and I believe you are both - your resources are bound to be strained right now. How could you not be dreading the next step into the unknown? But please remember that each day, each new trial, brings you closer to the next chapter of your life, when you will reap the rewards of surviving this trial. Because there will be rewards! Regaining your physical comfort and strength, yes, but the personal growth that is happening - even now - will be profound and utterly life-changing, giving you a perspective and appreciation for life that is hard-won, and dearly bought, but truly invaluable. And I want to be there to share your new life, your new vision, and bask in the warmth and light I have always found in your company. So hang in there, don't be afraid of being afraid, or feeling low - that will pass, and a better world beckons.
ReplyDeleteLove always,
Cathy
Again, what Cathy said! (—Debra)
ReplyDeleteJaney dear perhaps focusing on one infusion at a time might be helpful rather then think of all 4 months....however you choose to
ReplyDeleteplace your attention do so on the positive. You might bring your vortex meditaions or other meditative music or words to chemo and
listen as the treatment happens.This infuses you with high frequency vibration as the chemo does what it needs to do...always hereb for you...love
Selina