Every now and then the sentiments of how unfair this all is well up in me and I need to scream "This is NOT F#**#ing FAIR! I have lived my life to be as helpful to others and the world as I can be. I invested well over 3 years of my life becoming a lawyer so I could help others out of their environmental and immigration problems and no sooner do I get started than this cancer hits me. With all the time and energy this cancer is taking from me, today I had to give up the last of my law clients. I simply can't manage what I was managing before. This makes me terribly sad.
This weekend the effects of 3 weeks of pelvic radiation hit me like a truck. My intestines have been suddenly reduced to those of a three-month-old. My normal diet of fresh fruits and vegetables is out the window as I struggle to find ways to keep my nutrient and protein levels up without everything passing straight through me.
And, even more upsetting to me is what I am learning about the long-term effects of pelvic radiation. Besides many gory details which I won't go into, I am told that for the rest of my life the bones in my pelvis will be weakened and I have 3x greater chance of breaking a hip or pelvic bone if I fall during biking, skiing, running, hiking, etc...... all things I have loved all my life.
NOT F**ing FAIR!!!
RANT OVER.
You should be ranting. It does suck and it is unfair. Why does such an amazing person have to go through this when people like Donald Trump don't. It doesn't make any sense. Everyone loves you Jane and you will get through this. XOX
ReplyDeleteps Let me know if you want to get away to NYC again.
All I can say is you are abso-f**king-lutely right! Not only is this unfair, it is unjust, and unbelievable as well. You - who have been a shining example of how to lead a good life, a just life, a loving and giving life, who have always been a blessing in the lives of those who know you - how could you be chosen to suffer like this? The only answer I have is that no one is doing the choosing, and if anyone is in charge up (or down) there, they are a monster. But I guess we've always known that life can be monstrous, just not so close-up and personal. But you have always had the will and the strength to forge on, doing what's right, regardless. As you are doing now. Please feel free to call me at 4AM to scream at the universe - I'll gladly join the chorus!
ReplyDeleteCathy, I owe you a call! I'll try you on my way home from treatment this evening. Xox
ReplyDeleteWhat Cathy said. — Debra
ReplyDeleteJane, you are right life is not fair! You will prevail nevertheless, and even if down the road you will have to be more careful, you will undoubtedly be strong again and continue to do all the wonderful out door activities you love so much! And..you will I am sure, go back to helping others!! Hang in there and take in all the help, love and encouragement that is going your way!! big hugs & love xoxox!
ReplyDeleteOh Honey -- I just found out a few days ago via Steve. If you need anything -- ANYTHING -- I'm here for you. Your spirit is effervescent and it comes through in everything you've written. You are a warrior Jane - that's been proven over and over. Anyone who can go to law school in midlife and soldier on and pass the bar on her first try -- warrior. That spirit will hold you in this next, long battle and I'm completely confident you'll come out just fine on the other side. It won't be easy and it will challenge you to be sure, but you're a fighter and a brave one at that. Tell me what I can do, what you need, how I can help. I'm hugging you tightly as I write. I'm hugging you tightly everywhere I go. I'm hugging you tightly even when you can't feel it and always when you can. I'm hugging you because you're worth it and because I love you. Simple as that.
ReplyDelete