1. Every second of life is precious, even those that are painful and difficult. I now try to be aware of that at all times, and it helps me keep a brighter outlook.
2. There is absolutely no guarantee of good health or smooth sailing in life - suffering is part of life. Though I knew this before cancer, I somehow had a sense of expectation, maybe even entitlement, that my life would be healthy, happy, and fairly easy. I felt a blind invincibility that has now been shaken by a potentially fatal disease. But this realization actually brings me more peace and happiness than I had before. Reading Buddhist philosophy has helped me grasp this. Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh has written: "The greatest miracle is to be alive. We can put an end to our suffering just by realizing that our suffering is not worth suffering for! How many people kill themselves because of rage or despair? In that moment, they do not see the vast happiness that is available. Mindfulness puts an end to such a limited perspective. The Buddha faced his own suffering directly and discovered the path of liberation. Don’t run away from things that are unpleasant in order to embrace things that are pleasant. Put your hands in the earth. Face the difficulties and grow new happiness.”
3. I found that friends and family were the most powerful resource to help pull me through times of darkness. They helped fill the dark, scary spaces with love, light and encouragement. I have learned to value these connections above all else. So many people helped me carry my burden this past year, making it lighter and so much easier to endure.
4. Things can always be worse. Yes, I got an aggressive CANCER in my 50's and had to endure a year of difficult treatments, a life-altering surgery, and I lost most of my "trademark" red hair. But it could have been worse! I am fortunate to have good health and a strong body, a job with great health insurance, access to a wealth of great doctors and hospitals, and an amazing support network of friends and family. I know people go through tough cancer battles without the above, or with many more complications than I had. I feel fortunate.
5. The cancer I suffered does not have to be have pervasive nor permanent effects on my life. I can move on, get back to a productive work life, enjoy time with friends and family, travel, and many of the activities I love. Realizing that each day our lives are full of joyful moments, even in dark times, has helped me be more open to experiencing them, and more happy overall.
6. Helping others has helped me put my own issues in perspective and to see that I am not alone in such struggles. I have been asked to be a mentor to a few friends across the globe who have been diagnosed with this rare cancer, and some who are dealing with the difficult decision to have APR surgery. I have tried to be helpful and positive with the people I have mentored, while also being honest about the difficulties. Sharing my experiences and thoughts with others in similarly difficult situations has helped me feel that maybe my experiences can help others have an easier go of it, and has helped me feel less alone.
7. I have discovered that humans, including myself, can be more resilient, both mentally and physically, than we might ever suspect. On Election Day last year, I went "under" for what was supposed to be a fairly simple excision of a small isolated tumor. When I woke up to my surgeon's grim face telling me they found that the cancer had spread both internally and externally (I had 2 cancers) I was devastated! For several days I walked around like a zombie, crying and cursing and "why-me-ing" a lot and thinking there was no way I could undergo the extensive and life-altering surgery and treatments that were now my only option. But, after much reading, meditating, and talking to others who helped me reason through all this, I was able to shift my thinking and move forward in a more positive way.
My thinking is quite different now. The other night I was driving a dangerous road, and a thought popped into my head: I could have a horrible accident and end up in the hospital. And then I thought - PSSSSHHHT! -I've already been through something worse than that, and I survived!
I certainly do not wish illness nor traumatic life-events on any of you! But this past year has shown me that "shit happens" to us all! I hope, should "shit happen" to any of you, that you can get through it in as positive a manner as possible. Please feel free to use me as a resource if I can be helpful in any way. You have all been SO helpful to me in so many ways. I never could have gotten through the past year without your support. I love you all. 😘
